42 Things I've Learned in 42 Years

42 Things I’ve Learned in 42 Years

42 Years = 42 life lessons to live by

black woman with long hair smiling wearing white sweater blue jeans gold watch and gold earrings

Some Musings on Turning 42

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Chapter 42. Or the “4th floor” [suite 2] as my friend Ingrid says.

All I can say is, it’s really good to be here. Especially after a global pandemic, masks mandates, social distancing, Netflix binge-watches, COVID deniers, Q-Anon conspiracies, the death of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, Black Lives Matters protests, performative allyship, the massive hurricane that destroyed Lake Charles, LA along with my high school, a major ice storm, the fly in Mike Pence’s hair, a historic Presidential election resulting in our first female Black Vice President, Stacey Abrams turning historically red Georgia blue, a violent and deadly insurrection at the US Capitol Building, Donald Trump’s social media ban, a power stopping snowstorm, COVID vaccine approvals, 3 stimulus checks, and soooooo much more.

“In short: this shit was crazy!”

Exactly How I’ve Grown This Last Year

And although above might seem like all doom and gloom, unpopular opinion, the last 365 days weren't entirely bad. For one, I’m happy and blessed to be alive (even with these 20 extra pounds “hello new me”). And if you are reading this, you are alive too (so that’s another win). Also, and more importantly, I’m blessed to have 2 amazing parents that have remained safe throughout this pandemic. And I’ve finally begun breaking out of the tormenting mold of the “perfect blogger”. (the one who stays silent and who strives to never rock the boat.)

I’ve taken courage in speaking up on issues that not only matter to me but also to my people and to my readers. And I’ve found comfort and peace in walking away from not only those who continue to deny the existence of racism and but also those who make excuses and give safe passage to racist and racist ways.

It’s ironic because last year at age 41, I thought I was “at a place where I’m not afraid to voice my thoughts, wants, needs, and opinions”. But if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans… And up popped the rest of 2020 crowning itself “the year of hold my beer”. Because prior to the last 365 days, I never would’ve written and spoken about understanding human rights and Black Lives Matter. And I never would’ve written or spoken about or explained what is systemic racism. And I would’ve never written about COVID 19 and face masks.

But things change.

The world turns.

And (happily) that’s called “growth”.

So without further ado, here are my 42 best (sometimes humorous) pieces of Yoda-like nuggets of wisdom that I’ve learned in 41 Years:

42 Life Lessons to Live By

“Courage is not staying quiet about things that make us uncomfortable.” -Brene Brown
There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. We all need a mental tune-up from time to time.
Don’t take everything so personally. Guess what, it’s not always about you. People have lives and you aren’t always the center of them.
Believe in yourself. If you don’t, then who will?
Trust your instincts. If it doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t right.
Not everyone will like you. And that’s OK. Remember, not everyone deserves to be in your tribe.
Be proud of who you are. Black, white, gay, straight, tall, short and etc. Whoever you are, stand tall and be proud!
Learn to budget. I cannot stress this enough. Not sure where to start? Read anything by Dave Ramsey.
Do some hoodrat things every once in a while. We ALL have a “Vegas Story”. Just don’t do anything that will get you arrested or anything that will harm another person or animal.
Fail every once in a while. This is truly the way you learn. And when you learn, you grow.
Travel every chance you get. Recognizing that the world is so much bigger than you is truly a humbling experience.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. This is never a sign of weakness. In fact, asking for help is a sign of strength and intelligence. No one has gotten to where they are today without the help of someone else.
Try new things and revisit the ones you hated years ago. You’d be surprised how much your likes and dislikes change over the years.
Keep in touch. Call your parents and family members.
Be On Time. Don’t be “that person” (aka the asshole) who is NEVER on time and who is always at least 30 mins late. Spoiler Alert: NO ONE likes to wait for you.
Know and accept your strengths and weaknesses. We can’t be good at everything. It’s okay to suck at something. We all do.
Enjoy that metabolism. Live it up now, girl. Live. It. Up!!!!!!! Because after a while, you’ll wonder how and why you have fat in places you NEVER even imagined.
Live in the moment. If that means putting down your phone, camera, and other distractions while on vacation to take in the moment. Then, do it!
Let shit go! Stop living in the past, because holding grudges is soooooooo junior year in high school.
Know when to walk away. Ask yourself, is this situation good for my soul?
Stop apologizing. You said it. You meant it. Now stand behind it (good, bad, or indifferent).
Always tell the truth and do the right thing no matter what.
Be a person of your word. Nothing is worse than someone who makes big promises and flakes or doesn’t follow through. It’s rude and disrespectful. Just don’t do it.
Speak up and be vocal if you have a problem. No one will ever know you are upset unless you say something.
Learn to talk things through before they blow up and become a HUGE issue.
Drink your water.
See a doctor at least 1x/year. Physical health is so important. And that especially means, no skipping out on the OB-GYN.
It’s ok to cry.
You are worthy of being heard. Your opinion or view on something matters.
Be careful what you say. Some things are hard to come back from.
Never stop learning. Don’t forget, school is never out for the pro. No matter how much you know, you still don’t know it all. Stay humble and keep learning.
You can ascend higher and past your circumstances and the life you’ve been dealt. The past lives and the sins of our fathers should not determine how far you will go in life.
Don’t be afraid to cuss. Screw the judgments about profanity being “unladylike”. And middle finger salute the assumptions about your fleeting intelligence when using colorful language. Truth is, sometimes a good cuss word (or 2 or 3) can really be freeing.
Be an energy giver and not an energy taker in all relationships and interactions.
Find someone who believes in you more than you believe in yourself. Not someone who blows smoke up your ass. Someone who recognizes your greatness before you do.
You don’t owe any explanation to anyone. PERIOD
People will ALWAYS have an opinion. And more often than not, their opinion is completely irrelevant to anything going on in your life. Are they paying your bills? Are they employing you? I’m just saying . . .
It’s ok to just listen and not give advice. Sometimes someone just needs a receptive ear.
It’s ok to walk away from a toxic relationship or friendship. Protect your peace at all costs.
Always make sure to say “I love you” to the ones you love.
Find a partner who makes you feel valued, loved, and protected. Everyone deserves this.
A relationship is ALWAYS a partnership, NEVER a dictatorship.